Letters to the Oblivion

i just came from your party and reality struck me. you really are leaving and for the longest time i have been keeping this from you. i don’t know if you’ll ever read this or if you already found out but before you go i want you to know that i love you.

and as much as it may hurt to admit, i have accepted everything- that you may never know and that you may never feel the same way. i know that bitterness may come but essentially acceptance is all i have. although i must also admit that at some point resignation was all i ever felt. but time does indeed do wonders. and its has done just that.

but just for the sake of everything that has happened or what has not, i want you to know that i will always be here and that you will always be in my heart.

take care.

i am graduating soon and somehow before i leave the four walls of ateneo i would like to try make sense of what has happened for the past three and so-so years.

no wait. scratch all of that. because now all i ever want to talk about, think about is everything that has nothing to do with accountancy, the board exams and graduation. i want to live the life of the bum if only for a week or two. i want to be irresponsible, irrational and unpredictable. i want to be anything but who i was in high school and/or college because frankly i think im boring, plain and all the synonyms involved. i want to stop feeling so inadequte and lacking all the bloody time. i want to stop worry about tomorrow and how everything a month from now. i want to stop being so OC. i want to stop writing in english and start working on my filipino. i want to stop writing poems that rhyme. i want to learn how to spell correctly again. i want to regain my penchant for memorizing. i want to stop my habit of glancing at my phone every 5 minutes. i want to stop waiting for the one to come. i want to be religious. i want to remember acceptance, forgiveness and happiness. i want to stop being jaded. i want to go back to grade school and correct my mistake of not fighting for volleyball. i want to be independent. i want to be me but not really. because at the end of the day, all work and no play really does make one a dull boy (or girl… whatever)

but then after all of that, i’d go back to being me because as far back as i can remember, being plain jane isnt really as bad it may seem, on the contrary it was all that and more. I bet everything i own if anyone can tell me otherwise.

two words: worth it

—–

dk: has crummy look alike. chance had nothing to do with anything it was all because of the rattan ball, atfest and gray.

gray: soon to be father ergo will forever be religious. his college years will never be equal to 7th yr.

7th yr: will never be understood because he is and will be such a freaky genius forever.

mr.forever: to see you again will be something: applies only after May